So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
