me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
