The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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