Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
