i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
