It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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