Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
