The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
