I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
