Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
