thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
