We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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