I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
