She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
