so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
