I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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