This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
