Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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