yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
