maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
