So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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