I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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