Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
