fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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