Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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