Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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