remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize