Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
