Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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