She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
