We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
