OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
