I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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