so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
