the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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