he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
