Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
