This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
