i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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