I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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