that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
