I have demons in me.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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