the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Buhtt sex?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
