You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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