yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
