It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
