Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
