oh god the rape fog is back!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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