Got a toothbrush?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
