last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
