One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
