My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
