someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Your dad touched me again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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