She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
