I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
