I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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