i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
