you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i dont even know how to be here
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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