hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
