I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
