you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize