TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
