I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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