You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize