i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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