it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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