Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hippo gnu deer
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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