the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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