Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
