I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
