my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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