Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
