I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your cock deserves a montage
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
