I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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